I heard a new song this week. I don't know if it's actually a new song but it's new to me. It is called " You Are For Me" by Kari Jobe. I encourage you to listen to it if you have not heard it. This song has really encouraged my spirit this week. Here are the words:
So faithful, So constant, So loving and so true, So powerful in all you do, You fill me, You see me, You know my every move, You love for me to sing to you.
I know that you are for me, I know that you are for me, I know that you will never forsake me in my weakness, I know that you have come down, Even if to write upon my heart, To remind me who you are
So patient, So gracious, So merciful and true, So wonderful in all you do, You fill me, You see me, You know my every move, You love for me to sing to you
I know that you are for me, I know that you are for me, I know that you will never forsake me in my weakness, I know that you have come down, Even if to write upon my heart, To remind me who you are.
Sometimes, we don't understand our present circumstances or why we are in a certain season or feel like we are taking one hit after another. Sometimes nothing that is going on in our lives makes any sense. Often during these times we think that God has abandoned us or that we will never see our dreams come to pass. Sometimes we even get mad at the people around us because great things are happening to them and they are living their dreams and we aren't. We even get to the point that we can't stand to hear them talk about the great things that are happening to them because it just feeds into our feelings of discouragement.
I love this song because it is a GREAT reminder that God is for you. He hasn't left you. He hasn't given up on you. He hasn't written you off as a failure and passed your dreams on to someone else. He says I am for you. He has a plan for your life. A plan to prosper you and not to harm you. A plan for a HOPE and a FUTURE. He says you will have trials but take heart because He has overcome the world. There is nothing you are facing today that has God surprised. There is nothing that you are facing that He can't handle. If you are in a place of discouragement, allow God to encourage your spirit. Stand on His word and His promises for your life. Combat the lies of the enemies with the truth of God and remember that your Heavenly Father is for you and if He is for you, who can be against you? God will never forsake you!! Be encouraged today and hold your head up knowing that your daddy God is on your side.
I have been in Amarillo for a month now and it has been an adventure. I went treasure hunting at a block party 2 weeks ago and was able to pray with 7 people for various things. God told me that there would be a Hispanic male with a knee injury at this party. He was there and allowed me to pray for healing of his knee. He didn't speak English and I don't speak Spanish so I wasn't able to find out if his knee was better but I believe God that it is. I love to tell people about Jesus and His love. There is no greater honor than to be used by God to minister to people. I have been attending a church called The Summit. I really enjoy it and the presence of God is definitely there. I have made a couple of friends from the church so that's good.
Most of you know, I came to Amarillo to take a job with a cake and cupcake company. The company has decided not to open the location that I was going to work at and manage. Therefore, right now I am currently job searching; one of my favorite things to do...NOT!!! I have interviewed with Starbucks and have a second interview tomorrow. I am praying that if Starbucks is where God wants me then I will get the job. If not, I am trusting that He will provide the perfect job.
Last week when I found out that my job with the cake company fell through, I thought to myself SERIOUSLY!!! I just got here. I just moved half way across the country for this job and now I don't have it. Are you kidding me??? My next thought was that it was time to pack up and go back to Birmingham. After all, what was keeping me in Amarillo? I don't really know anyone. I'm not plugged in at my church yet. I have no job. The logical thing is to call it quits and move home. However, the Holy Spirit is keeping me here. When I came here God said it wasn't so much about the job as it was a connection; a connection that is vital to my destiny. I wasn't expecting to lose the job so quickly but I know that God ordains our steps and He has me here for a reason. Things have not turned out like I have expected, like I had planned out in my mind. I don't know what's next for me here in Amarillo but I do know that God is faithful and He never leaves us or forsakes us. The bible says in Jeremiah 33:3 Ask me and I will tell you remarkable secrets you do not know about things to come. He always knows what is around the corner and He is never surprised. I do know that God has a plan for my life and call to do great things for the kingdom, a call to speak to the nations and to be a mouthpiece for healing and restoration. I do know that I will not relent, I will not back down, and I will not give up on what He has called me to do for Him.
I will leave you with this; I'm not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don't get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I've got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. ...I'm off and running, and I'm not turning back!!!! Philippians 3:12-14 (MSG)
I made a promise that I would start blogging again to help keep everyone aware of how thing are going in Amarillo and what is going on in the world of me. That being said, this is blog #1 about Amarillo.
I have been here about a week and a half now. I have to say that there does not appear to be a lot to do in Amarillo. They do have a mall, Starbucks, and $2 movie theatre so that's good. One thing they have that I really enjoy is a House of Prayer. This is basically a church building. It has a coffee type area that has tables and chairs so you can study (they have wi-fi) or visit. This are also has a few Keurig coffee makers where you can have a cup of coffee for a $1. The building has designated prayer rooms for specific issues, and then the sanctuary is used for your personal prayer time. They have music playing in the sanctuary all the time and sometimes it's even live music. The building is open 7 days a week from 6am-midnight. I really enjoy going here to have my time with God. It is so important to have a place that is for you and God.
In regards to church, I went to a church called The Summit on Sunday. I liked it and I am planning on going again this Sunday. I went to coffee with the Associate Pastor's wife on Tuesday and had a good time. I have a few other churches in mind that I may go visit, depending what God says. I miss Kingwood though, for sure!!
The job is going good so far. We are planning on opening our mall location next week. A lot of what I have been doing is getting things ready for that. I don't want anyone to fall out when I say this but I have also been learning the baking side of things. I have learned to bake cheesecake, chocolate, winter white, champagne, red velvet, and strawberry cakes. On Fridays we have what we call cupcake Fridays. This is the one day of the week that we sell cupcakes from our kitchen location from 11am-6pm. Last Friday I made all the batters, baked all the cupcakes, and iced them all.
I also made cheesecake lollipops. They are so YUMMY!!
This what I have been up to since I've been in Amarillo. I will make sure to keep everyone posted as to what I'm doing and how I'm doing.
I have recently been introduced to the phrase atll. At first, I had no idea what this meant. I soon discovered it stood for as the Lord leads. Getting the response atll to the statement "Hey, let's get together for coffee sometime" kind of shocked me. I have never had someone respond that way about getting coffee. I mean it was just coffee, right? It surprised me to hear atll about a decision that little.
As I began to ponder this response I realized that I don't make decisions atll nearly enough and it has gotten me in a pickle more than once. I remember scheduling a trip to go see a friend for a weekend and as the time to go got closer, things in my world were difficult and going out of town for the weekend was the last thing that I needed to be doing. This was the worst time for me to be gone but what could I do; the trip was booked and paid for. I told my spiritual mom about the trip and I remember her asking me if I was sure I was suppose to go. As I thought about this I realized that I never even asked God what He thought about me going. I just decided I wanted to go and made plans to go. As I looked back on different situations in my life, I started noticing that I didn't ask God about a lot of the small things, it was mostly big and major decisions.
We are the bride of Christ. I wonder how many of us would go out of town for the weekend, buy tires, accept a job offer, make dinner plans with our friends, or buy a new car without discussing it with our spouses first. We wouldn't, so why do we make these decisions without consulting God. He knows what is around the corner and what's best for us. Listening to Him could be life or death for us or someone else. I am reminded of a story about a lady that was driving home and hit and killed a cyclist on the road. When interviewed about the accident she stated that she believed the whole thing could have been avoided if she had trusted her spirit and went to a store for a few minutes. She also said that one of the biggest lessons she learned from this experience is to be tuned into Christ and to make sure to stop and listen to what the spirit is saying.
I don't know about you but this is a lesson that I don't want to learn the hard way. I would rather just atll my whole life and avoid a situation like this lady endured. My challenge today for myself as well as you is to begin involving God in our day to day decisions just like we would our husband or parent. Consult the Holy Spirit about your plans and be tuned into what your spirit is saying.
Next week I will blog about my first week in Amarillo and what I've been doing with my time.
For the past few months I have been in a place of a lot of personal growth and a major deepening and maturing in my relationship with God. I have had dreams of me doing things that are impossible on my own but with God I know that nothing is impossible.
Tomorrow, January 25 will be 10 years that I have been walking this faith journey. On New Year's Eve someone asked me what I was doing on New Year's 10 years ago and I rejoiced at the realization that was the last time I have ever been drunk.
This post will be kind of long but I wanted to take some time to tell you my story; to tell you what my daddy God has done in my life. He is such a loving and kind Father. So here goes...
I will never forget the day that Jesus came into my life. I was a 22 year old girl who had no hope, no love, and no self worth. I had exhausted all avenues in an attempt to find happiness and all had ended with regret and each added to my feelings of inadequacies. Let’s start at the beginning.
I was born in Houston, TX. My parents divorced when I was 11 months old and my mom and I moved to Florida and in with my grandmother and 3 uncles.When I was 7 my mom and I moved in with her boyfriend Jerry. At 9 years old he began sexual abusing me. At this point I didn’t really understand what was happening or that it was wrong. I did however ask my mom about it and she said what he was doing was wrong and that it wouldn’t happen again. I honestly didn’t think anymore about it for a long time. Within a few more years both my mom and Jerry were using cocaine and drinking on a regular basis and I spent much of these years hanging out at the local pub. My mom and Jerry got married when I was around 12. I spent my teenage years being physically, emotionally, and sexually abused by Jerry, as well as physically and emotionally abused by my mom. I started getting kicked out of my house in the 8th grade. I would come home from school or work and my mom would just start yelling at me, calling me all kinds of mean and hurtful names, usually throw something at me or slam me against a wall or two and then throw me out of the house.She would never allow me to take any of my clothes or other belongings. I would typically be gone for 2-3 weeks and then she would show up at school or work to pick me up. I would be home for 1-2 weeks and then out the door again. This was the typical cycle. I told her a few times about what my stepdad was doing and she always said it wasn’t a big deal and she could handle it; one time even saying that she didn't have time to deal with it. I was eventually taken out of my home by the state for 3 months and then was returned back to the madness.
I spent much of my childhood striving to be the exact opposite of my mom and stepdad. I was a manager of a restaurant by the age of 17 and pretty much either worked or was in school. However shortly after graduating high school things began to change in my life. I began to realize how unhappy I was and began to try and become a happy person. I had no self worth or confidence and felt hopeless and Worthless. I began to sleep with any guy that said anything nice to me. I figured that sex was all they wanted and it was easier to give it to them than for them to fight for it. Besides, for that one moment I was given the compliment, I felt I was worth something. This promiscuity eventually led to a bisexual lifestyle. I was so desperate for attention especially attention from females that I didn’t care how I got it or who gave it to me. At the age of 20 I began smoking pot and at 21, I began drinking. I also began doing ecstasy and acid. Ecstasy was definitely my drug of choice and I enjoyed doing it weekly. While in the moment allowing me to be “happy”, this behavior was continually bringing destruction to my life and I was falling further and further into the pit of despair. At 22 I became pregnant from a one night stand with a guy from work. I was happy about this because I was going to have a baby and this baby was going to love me and life was going to be great. However, I made the decision to go against what I felt was right and have an abortion. This event brought me to the lowest point I have ever been. I had killed a child, a child who was part of me. I will never forget that day or how dirty, shameful, and disgusting I felt. I couldn’t even stand to look at myself in the mirror. The next two months that followed I did everything I could do to mask the way I was feeling including doing ecstasy almost every night. My life was on a downward spiral to nowhere.
Then one day my best friend and I got into a fight over something extremely stupid.That’s when I broke. I mean I couldn’t get the flood of tears to stop. I told her that I didn’t want to kill myself but I didn’t know what else to do because I couldn’t handle anymore of this life. She suggested that we go to church; her mom had been trying to get us to go for 2 years. I started out saying no. I thought there was no way I could go to church (because of how I looked and felt). I had a shaved head, eyebrow ring, tongue ring, no “church” clothes, only big baggy jeans and clubbing clothes. I eventually gave in and went to a youth service. It was your typical youth service and I enjoyed being there. When the man speaking gave his alter call my life was forever changed. He said that he knew there was a girl in the audience that had been sexually, physically, and emotionally abused. That she was hurt and felt rejected, useless and hopeless; like no one wanted her and her life was a waste. She had tried everything she can think of to be happy and has not succeeded. God wants her to know that he loves her and has a plan for her life. He is waiting on her.
I was so completely shocked that this man knew all this stuff about me. I mean he basically read my mail. I went up for prayer and a few weeks later gave my life to God. I didn’t do it that night because I wanted to make sure I was sure about my decision. Once I gave my life to God He radically changed me. I never touched drugs or alcohol again. He delivered me from bisexual behavior and I stopped giving my body to whoever wanted it and have been saving it for my husband. Shortly after giving my life over to God I enrolled into a discipleship/ministry training program called Master’s Commission, in Birmingham, Alabama. They have programs all over the world.During this 1st year of this program God really began a deep work of healing in my heart and for the 1st time, since I could remember I was beginning to be happy again. It was in this place that God restored my innocence.
I remember one day looking at my life and realizing how much destruction the enemy had brought to me. He tried to destroy me and almost succeeded. The grace of God was so at work in my life and what the devil meant for bad God has been able to turn around and use for Good. I have had the privilege of traveling all over the country and sharing my testimony with tons of people. God has placed my life on solid ground, given me happiness, joy, peace, patience, understanding, and forgiveness.He took a girl that had no hope and no future and spoke life into her. He gave me a hope and a future. I am forever grateful for having met Jesus and allowing Him to take control of my life. I have been completely sold out to God since January 25, 2000 and I’m not looking back.
I have spent the last few months transitioning from NYC to Birmingham; getting settled into my job, my house, and my church. I have transitioned rather well and I am now somewhat settled into my new location. Now that I am settled, I have found myself wondering what the next step is for Broken Ministries and Me. Being completely unsure I decided to listen to a sermon series that is all about Discovering Your Divine Destiny. One scripture that I heard during this series repeatedly was Jeremiah 29:11 which says "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
I want everyone reading this to understand that God has a plan for your life. It is a plan that is filled with hope and prosperity, not hurt and destruction. God has a great plan for each and everyone of us, regardless of where you've been or what you've done or how bad you feel like you've messed up. His mercies are new every morning and He has a plan for you greater then any plan you could develop on your own. The first step of the plan is to accept Jesus Christ as your Savior and to be born again.
Psalm 139:16 says your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. God isn't making the plan up as you go along. He already has it.
Jeremiah 33:3 says "Ask me and I will tell you remarkable secrets you do not know about things to come." He is waiting for you to ask Him so that He can reveal to you the secrets that He has for your life. The things that He wants to do in you and through you. The places that he wants to take you and the things He wants you to accomplish.
Like I said earlier, I don't know what my next step is but I know that God has a plan for me and that He will tell me if I ask Him. This week I am going to start praying the plan out. I don't just want to know the next major step is. I want to know what His plan is for me daily. What does He want me to do today? Each day and each step is vital to the big picture. You don't wake up one day to a newly built house. You have a blueprint that is followed day by day and each step in that blueprint is vital for the house to be built correctly and on a solid foundation. I want my life and my ministry to be built correctly and on a solid foundation. I want to live out His plan everyday of my life. I want to be able to say I have fought the goodfight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. I want to hear God say "Well Done"!
I want to encourage you today; whatever you are facing remember that God has a plan for you and it is a plan for a hope and a future, a plan to prosper you and not to harm you. Spend some time with your Daddy God and ask Him about it so that He can tell you about it.
I realize that it has been a while since my last blog and for that I do apologize. I have been back in Birmingham for about a month and it has definitely been a time of transition.
If I had to describe this season of my life I would say that it is a season of repairing my past, while preparing for my future, all the while living my Kingdom purpose for today. So, what does that mean? I am getting my house in order; I am getting my debt taken care of, debt from my younger years (not that I am old) when I had a problem with materialism and tried to live above my means. That is the past that I am repairing. In doing this I will be able to do whatever God tells me to do and go wherever He says go because I will be financially free. I am also about to start taking some classes on inner healing to furthur my knowledge on the struggles that people endure and how to help walk them through. That is a big part of what Broken Ministries is about. All the while, ministering to anyone that I can right now.
As for me personally, I am runnning after God with all I am. It is in Him that I was and am still able to find joy, hope, purpose and my life!! Things in the natural don't always make sense and are not always how they appear but we must chose to press into Him and keep Him our priority because it is in Him that we find ourselves, that we have our life!! He is the joy of our salvation and He never leaves us or forsakes us. He is concerned with every detail in our lives and as we continually put out trust in Him, He will continually reveal his plan and purpose for us. Proverbs 3:5 says Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path. I want to encourage you today, that no matter what you are facing, Trust in Him and not your own understanding. We can't always see the big picture but He does!!! Besides who better to trust than our creator? My prayer for you today is that you run after God with all you have!!
