So … the question I faced was where do I go from here and how do I get from here. I mean I had major life decisions to make and no real capacity, at that time, to make them. BUT GOD! I did what I knew to do, in the natural. I got up out of bed even when I didn’t want to or think that I could. I prayed. I worshipped. I thanked God for all that I had and I was blessed with even in the midst of the storm. I cried. I put one foot in front of the other not really sure where I was going. I looked for jobs and looked a bunch that would have been torturous. My thought was whatever I have to do to pay the bills. I was told about job openings as a Special Education Teacher’s Assistant. This terrified me because it was so far beyond anything in my tool box of talents, abilities, and past experiences. It took me about 3 days to decide to submit my resume. While it terrified me it was the only job I saw where I might be able to make a difference to someone, which is so important to me. Making a difference in lives is my heartbeat and life purpose. I decided the worst that will happen is I’d epically fail and go back to job hunting. There wasn’t really much to lose. I got the job and it is definitely challenging and has it moments but it fulfills me and I believe on some level I am making a difference and hope I am not epically failing :-). I have co-workers which is something I really missed having. God knew this was the job for me and even directed me to the right school. The people I work with are amazing and are and becoming my friends.
Next was housing which really stressed me out. BUT GOD!! Housing is so expensive where I am at and I wasn’t sure what to do. I explored a ton of options, roommate, no roommate, apartment after apartment and craigslist ad after craigslist ad. None of these options were intriguing but I was willing to do what needed to be done. I knew that buying was the best route financially because mortgage would be significantly less than rent. In my mind there was no way. This was completely outside the realm of possibility. Well not for God. Through paid off debts, money for the down payment, and series of other events that would take to long to explain I bought a townhouse. Me … a homeowner. It finally happened. Who would have thought. God … that’s who. I have looked and dreamed at buying for over 10 years now. He blew my housing expectations out of the water as He has done before.
I say all this to say it has been a really hard year with a lot of loss and grief and unknowns. God doesn’t promise that things won’t be hard. He does promise that He will NEVER leave us or forsake us. I can look back at this year and see so many little and big things God has done for me in 2018, ways that He let me know He was right there with me. He gave me strength when I had none. He gave me joy and laughter in the midst of pain. He gave me courage when I was scared and comfort when I was sad. He gave me friends and prayer warriors to help me through. He literally reminded me and showed me every day that I wasn’t alone and that if I continued to trust in Him and follow Him He would work it out.
I go into 2019 expectant for all that God has in store for me. He is faithful. He is just and His mercies are new every morning. I go into 2019 knowing that I will still be processing some of 2018 events but also knowing that God is going to do far more than I could ever ask, think, or imagine. I want to encourage you today that no matter where you are or what you are facing you are loved. You are valued. You are not alone. Trust in the one who created you. He will guide you and comfort you and make a way where there seems to be no way.
While I have been pretty quite this year. Please know that you are all special to me. I am always praying for you and am here if you need me.
Much Love!
Dallas
Some memories from 2018
