Tuesday, January 21, 2014

The Struggle is Real

Most of you know that I have been on a journey to get and be healthy. I have struggled with being overweight most of my adult life. I have lost weight and gained it all back plus some more than once. My struggle to be healthy and to live a healthy lifestyle does not really come from laziness or lack of discipline, although making good food choices can be tough and does require discipline. My battle is mental. I have struggled with feeling inadequate, insecure, discouraged, feeling as that I wasn’t important or didn’t matter. Because of these insecurities I did not want people to notice me or pay attention to me and in an effort to cope with these feeling I would eat. I would eat junk and eat when I wasn’t hungry because it was how I coped with the way I felt about myself; rather than dealing with the root issues. 

In June of this year I found myself the heaviest I have ever been, weighing in at 248 pounds. I felt horrible and I hated seeing myself in pictures. I was honestly disgusted with the way I looked and wanted desperately for it to be different. I was forced to take a hard look at myself and this is when I realized what I had been doing, using food as a vice. It was in this moment that I had to decide whether I was going to continue to feed my feelings with food or whether I was going to deal with my insecurities and my feeling of inadequacies. It was in this moment that the struggle became real for me. It was in this moment that I understood what was really going on and I was now responsible to do something about it.

I wish I could say this has been an easy process but I would be lying. It has taken a lot of discipline, accountability, and determination. The insecurities, body issues, emotional eating, and cravings didn't just stop because I decided I wanted to deal with them. I had to fight through those everyday. I had to decide to allow God to be my source of comfort instead of food. I had to allow people to know how I was really feeling so they could help me through the tough moments. I had to force myself to do what was right instead of what felt good in the moment. Minute by minute and day by day I had to make a choice to fuel my body with healthy food and to workout. I had to choose to deal with my insecurities head on. I had to come to a place where I was able to accept the fact that I am beautiful and adequate and worth people noticing and loving.  I had to decide to love myself. I had to daily choose to conquer my thoughts and dismiss them. As I began to do this I began to have victories I could celebrate. With each small victory I gained a little more confidence in myself and was motivated to keep going and to push harder.

I’m not perfect. I still mess up sometimes but I have people in my life who help keep me on track and motivated. In the course of 7 months I have lost around 50 pds and 30.5 body inches. I have completely changed my eating and I am usually at the gym 4-6 times a week.

I wanted to share my struggle with you because I want you to have the courage and confidence to conquer whatever it is you struggle with. It may be health, insecurity, a failed marriage, abandonment, or something else. I want you to know that you don't have to stay there. You don't have to be a victim of what life is throwing at you or of past decisions. Today is a new day. Put on your boxing gloves, fight your struggles, and live victoriously!!!

Left - June 2013 and Right - October 2013

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